You Found Me
by bernicewatson
Summary: Damon suffers a terrible tragedy, the kind that has the power to consume you if you let it. Will he overcome the pain, will he allow his friends and family to help him, and will he ever open up to the cute brunette at his favorite coffee shop? A/H
1. Chapter 1

I hate these functions.

I always have. For as long as I can remember I've been dragged to them for some reason or another, sometimes their raising money for rare diseases, sometimes it's a new hospital wing.

Tonight of all things, their raising money for the rare manuscript foundation; of all the charities in the world, how in the world did this one make it to the top of the list.

Anyways, my point is that no matter what the occasion is, these things are always filled with the same dull people who have more money than they know what to do with but will still donate the bare minimum because they wouldn't want to take away from their plastic surgery fund.

It's already been two hours of forced smiles, fake hellos and how are you's and the worlds driest chicken dish you'll ever taste accompanied by the oldest person alive telling the most boring story in the world about how rare manuscripts are important and its up to you to save them. No matter how many of these things I've been to the food seems to get worse every time.

The only saving grace tonight is the fact that I have Andie on my arm. She was supposed to be at a book signing tonight, but after hearing me whine for two days straight and seeing me beg on my hands and knees, she finally called her publicist and asked her to reschedule it.

"Thank you for being here tonight, I know it was selfish of me to ask you to miss your thing, but I just can't handle these things without you anymore, you've spoiled me" I smirk

"Yeah well I could tell it was important to you that I'm here. Besides, Mrs. Vancubric has had her eye on you all night, and what kind of wife would I be if I didn't stake my claim"

"Oh please" I laugh "Mrs. Vancubric is like 95 years old. I could do better than that"

"Really…" she raises an eyebrow "that's your argument? Keep it up; I've got my eye on you Salvatore" she winks playfully

I've always loved our easy banter, it's what first attracted me to her, besides the fact that she's gorgeous; and it's what's kept me on my toes after three years of marriage.

"Well it doesn't matter who's got their eye on me, all that matters is that I've got my eye on you, and soon little Sarah too" I place my hand on her stomach

"Does that mean you're finally agreeing to the name Sarah?" She beams up to me

"As soon as you admit that you were wrong about her being a boy, I believe you still owe me twenty dollars for loosing that bet" I tease

"Yeah well, I'll be sure to take it out of our joint bank account tomorrow" she teases back

"I'm gonna hold you to that" I point at her teasingly

"Damon, Andie; it's good to see you both" my father greets

"Hey dad, you're looking sharp, looks like you hit Armani's new fall line" I tease as I brush the lapel of his tux

"You too Damon, not bad for someone who looks like they hit the sale rack at Macy's"

"Touché" I tip my glass of champagne at him in a mock toast

"Andie dear, you looks beautiful as always, you're glowing darling" he kisses her hand

"Thank you papa Salvatore" she smiles

My dad approves of very few things in my life, Andie being an exception. The first time I brought her to meet him five years ago, he was as firm and stoic as always; she marched right up to him and told him that she was planning on being in my life for a very long time so he might as well cut the crap so they could go straight to getting to know each other. No one ever talks to my dad that way, he never stood a chance; he was enchanted with her from that day forward. Sometimes I think he likes her more then he likes me.

My father and I have a rough relationship. He did the best he knew how, he woke up every day put on a fancy suit, and went to his law office,just as his father and probably his fathers father did. He wasn't the type of dad who took his sons to ball games, but he did provide for us, and he did a damn good job, we never wanted for anything.

Then mom died when I was 10 and my brother Stefan was 8. Dad had to then figure out how to raise two boys on top of his work duties. As a result Stefan and I often got put on the back burner. I rebelled, as teenage boys do, and when it came time for me to go to college, I broke dad's heart when I told him I would be attending Columbia instead of Yale.

"Six generations of Salvatore's have gone to Yale" he said, but I was determined to not be the seventh.

I still became a lawyer just like him, but not because of him. I'll admit that it was one of the few things I always admired about him, but in the end it was because I genuinely enjoyed studying law in school, and I love my job.

"How did the Doctors appointment go?" he asks

"Well, the baby is healthy and average size for 5 months, so I would say everything is great" she rubs her belly lovingly

"Yes, well I would say that this is one instance where average is good"

"That is so typical of you, you really should stop being so predictable, it's going to start affecting your court cases old man" I shake my head

"It was a joke Damon, relax" he scoffs

"Whatever, have you seen Stefan? Is he here yet?" I ask

"No, his residency ran late, so I told him to go home and catch up on some rest"

"Ugh, that's not fair why do I have to come to these things and he doesn't" I whine

"Really Damon, how old are you…" he shakes his head

I look to Andie for support "no way, I'm with him, whining is not a good look on you" she jokes

"You guys are mean" I pout "when can we leave anyway? Is it time to make our donation and get the hell out of here?"

Andie gives me a pointed look

"What" I question "don't give be that look, you know that old bastards speech was a one-way ticket to boresville"

"At least make the rounds before you go, there are important people to meet tonight Damon and connections to be made, have I taught you nothing?"

"Oh no, I can recognize disappointment from a mile away, an ability I'm very proud of" I smirk

"Damon, stop it" She warns with a look that tell me she's had enough of my sarcasm.

She's always wanted my dad and I to have a better relationship, for us to stop taking digs at each other whenever the opportunity arises; and we have to an extent. Things between us are better than they have been in the past. What she doesn't realize is that things are only better because he finally agrees with my decisions, the moment he stops agreeing with me is when he can no longer be bothered by me, and that's something that will always come between us.

"Yes well, do say goodbye before you leave, wont you? Andie dear, it was wonderful to see you as always" he kisses her on the cheek "and Damon, please behave yourself"

"Yeah nice you to see you too dad" I mock as he walks away

"He means well, you know that" she smiles at me

"He means something, that's for sure" I roll my eyes "There's a client over there that I do need to say hello to though, God I hate when he's right. I'll be right back" I hear her chuckle as I walk away

* * *

><p>"I can't tell you how thankful I am that you came with me tonight" I reach over the center console of my car to grab her hand "I couldn't imagine getting through the night without you"<p>

"I'm glad I came, I've always liked watching you in your element, watching you dazzle everyone with your wit and dashing smile. You probably have two new clients because of that smile" she teases

"No, I have two new clients because you offered to sign a copy of your book for both of their wives" I correct her

"We make a pretty good team you and me" she lifts my hand to her mouth a places a kiss on the back of it

"Yeah we do" I smile to myself

"And we're gonna be kick ass parents" she states

"You think so?" I ask

"I know so. I know that you still worry about what kind of dad you're going to be, and that you're scared of becoming your father, but that's not going to happen" she says mater-of-factly

"How can you be so sure?"

"Nobody has a map on how to be a great parent, but you do have one on what kind of parent you don't want to be, and that means something Damon" she smiles at me comfortingly

I clear my throat, because I'm not confident that my voice wouldn't crack if I tried to talk right now

"It means a lot to hear you say that" I says sincerely

"I just wish you would believe it, and trust me when I tell you that I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it; that's just not my style" she smirks

"I know, you're honesty is one of the many reasons I love you so much" I feel her give my hand a squeeze "I owe you apology by the way…"

"Damon, you already apologized, and it's really not a big deal, I would rather spend an evening with you then go to a book signing any day" She interrupts

"What I was going to say , before you rudely interrupted, was that I owe you an apology, because I don't believe I've told you how beautiful you look tonight" I take my eyes off the road to glance at her "really Andy, you're breathtaking" I smile

She looks at me and smiles, our eyes meeting for just a second "well, you're not too shabby your… Damon look out!" she screams as soon as she turns her attention back to the road

I look back at the road just as a car swerves into our lane; I turn the steering wheel as fast as I can before everything goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey everyone! So i'm not sure how you're feeling about this story, I didn't get many reviews, so i'm not sure if i should continue. I will say that i know this is a sad subject and that many of you want Damon and Elena right away, and i apologize for the lack of Elena so far; but i promise you we will get there and i ask that you please stay with me. Please review, it encourages me and i love hearing your feedback **

**Thank you!**

* * *

><p>What's that smell?<p>

Whatever it is, it's burning my nostrils

And my head hurts, why does my head hurt?

Are those Siren? What in the world is going on, and why am I upside down?

I force myself to open my eyes, where am I?

Suddenly it all comes back to me; I was at a charity gala.

No, I wasn't alone; we were at a charity gala. Andie and I

Oh god.

"Andie" I croak.

I turn to check on her "Oh no" I gasp, there's blood dripping from her head

"Andie" this time is comes out a little louder

"This is NYPD, are you guys ok?"

"My wife, she's five months pregnant, and she's not responding to me. You need to get her to the hospital"

"We're working on it. What's your name?"

"Damon Salvatore"

"Ok Damon. We're going to have to cut you guys out of the car because the doors are jammed. We have ambulances and a paramedic team ready to help you guys as soon as we get you out of there, in the meantime please try and remain calm"

Is he joking? How the fuck am I supposed to stay calm right now

"Andie sweetie, please wake up. I need you to wake up and be ok" I plea "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have taken my eyes off the road, I promise I will spend the rest of our lives trying to make it up to you but right now I just need you to wake up"

I've never been a fan of the sound of metal on metal, but right now its music to my ears as they cut us out of the car.

I feel someone grab my shoulders

"No! Andie first, get my wife first"

They must know I'm serious by the tone of my voice because they don't push it. They immediately start helping Andie.

Once they've got her out of the car and onto a stretcher they come back for me

"She's five months pregnant" I say

"They're aware sir, now we need to get you on a stretcher and get you to the hospital as well"

"I'm fine" I argue

"I hope so, but we need to make sure there aren't any internal injuries" he argues

Just as I'm about to argue with him he says "Your wife is in very good hands, and we have some of the best doctors in New York waiting at the hospital for her arrival. Please just let us run a few scans, and if everything checks out fine, you can go be with your wife"

"Ok" I agree, part of me wants to argue with him, but the other part is reminding me that I'm a little dizzy, and that I need to get treated as soon as possible so I can be with Andie.

"Thank you" he smiles kindly at me

I follow him into the ambulance, as soon as I'm on the stretcher they start poking me with needles and running a hundred different tests.

"Ok Mr. Salvatore, I need you to look straight ahead" next thing I know they're shining a light into my eyes "page the hospital, let them know they need to have CT open when we get there, Mr. Salvatore needs a head scan"

* * *

><p>"Damon! Thank god I found you!"<p>

"Stefan? What're you doing here" I ask

"I'm your brother, of course I'm here; and I'm a doctor Damon, why didn't you call me?"

"Because I'm fine"

"Are these your discharge papers?" I nod "Damon, you have a concussion…You're not fine"

"Yes I am Stefan, I'm just worried about Andie, They said she was going in for an emergency c-section over an hour ago and I haven't heard anything since" I'm trying not to sound like I'm panicking but on the inside I'm freaking out

"Let me go see what I can find out"

I don't know how long a C-Section takes, but the fact that Stefan didn't assure me that an hour is not enough time to perform one makes my stomach churn

"They said the doctor will be out shortly" he sits next to me

"How did this happen Stefan? We were just at the gala having a nice night, how did we end up here?" My eyes start to tear up

"I wish I had answers for you, I really do" he throws his arm over my shoulders

"Mr. Salvatore?" a nurse in blue scrubs calls out

"That's me"

"Will you please follow me?"

I don't question her because at first I think she's taking me to Andie, but instead she takes me to an empty room with a few chairs and several boxes of Kleenex

The doctor will be in shortly" she leaves the room before I have a chance to question her about what's it going on

The look on Stefan's face tells me everything I need to know

"This is the bad news room isn't it" I ask

"No, it's not, they probably…"

"When you get good news they tell you in the waiting room, when you get bad news they bring you in here so you don't scare the other families" I interrupt "am I right?"

He doesn't answer me; he just looks down at the ground

"I said, am I right!" I raise me voice

A knock on the door interrupts us

"Excuse me Mr. Salvatore?"

"Yes" I answer

"Hi, I'm Dr. Steinman" he holds his hand out for me to shake and glances at Stefan

"It's fine, he's my brother. He can stay"

"Well Mr. Salvatore, when your wife was brought here she was already very dependent on hand pump ventilation. We tried everything we could to get her to breathe again on her own but she was unresponsive"

"What does that mean?" I ask

"It means she was not able to breathe on her own, and once we stopped ventilation, she didn't make it"

"Oh my god" I whisper, I look down as my body begins to shake, I don't realize that I'm crying until I feel the drops sliding down my face. Stefan puts his hand on my shoulder to help steady me

"I'm very sorry Mr. Salvatore"

I rub my hands over my face, trying to get rid of the moisture that's collected

"Um uh" I 'm not even sure I want to know the answer to my question "What about the baby?"

The doctor looks down

"No" I shake my head "No, not both of them"

"After we realized that Mrs. Salvatore was unresponsive, we did an emergency cesarean. However, the lack of oxygen was just too much for the baby. There was nothing we could do"

"No, no, no" I shake my head

I know the doctor is waiting for more questions but I can't even wrap my mind around what is happening, and I just wish he would leave

"Thank you Dr. Steinman, I think Damon just needs sometime right now" Stefan says as if he can read my mind

"Yes of course. Here's my card; if you have any questions please don't hesitate to call"

"Damon…" Stefan says as the doctor leaves, but I just shake my head, begging him not to continue

He just nods his head

I don't know how long we sit in silence before I finally muster the strength to speak

"Will you drive me home?" I ask

"You're welcome to stay with me if you want" he offers

"Why would I want to do that?" I ask

"I just want you to know that you have options, you don't have to go home if you're not ready"

"Why wouldn't I be ready?"

His face is full of pity, and I know it's not his fault but I snap

"My wife is dead Stefan, and nothing is going to change that. She's still going to be dead no matter where I sleep tonight. I would drive myself, but my car was totaled in the accident that killed my wife and daughter. So will you please just shut up and drive me home."

He doesn't say a word, he just nods his head.

* * *

><p>The doorman to our apartment building greets me as if it was any other night, and I suppose to him, its.<p>

The elevator stops at our floor, and just as I reach our door I stop.

I can't go in there; into the home we built together.

I can't sleep in our bed.

I can't lay my head on the pillows that I know will smell like her. On the pillows that she insisted on buying even though I thought they were too expensive; god, why did I fight her on that?

And what about the nursery?

Oh god, the nursery.

The one we spent the weekend painting a light shade of pink.

The one with the wooden letters that spell 'Sarah' hanging on the wall; I hung them right before we left for the gala, it was my way of telling her that I wanted to go with the name she picked out.

Although I think I let it slip at the gala anyways, I don't know for certain though, that all seems so far away now.

Did I shut the door to the nursery before we left? Or if I walk in is that the first thing I'm going to see?

I quickly pull out my phone

"Hello" he answers after one ring

"I can't do it Stefan" my voice cracks

"I'm coming back" he says

I hang up and slump against the door, all of the tears I've held back finally coming out

"Hey" Stefan slumps down next to me. He must have not been far, probably waiting for my call

"I can't do this, any of it. This wasn't part of the plan. She's twenty-six years old, you're not supposed to die at twenty-six; we were just getting started" I bang my fist on the floor, trying to get rid of some of my anger "she always wanted to be a mom, but I kept saying we needed to wait to pay off some of our debt, that we needed a bigger place, a better car. Why didn't I give her what she wanted, why did I wait, It's my fault all this is happening"

Stefan doesn't say anything, though I don't blame him. What does one say in a situation like this?

"What do I do now Stefan, because I know I'm good at being a husband, and that I was excited about being a dad, and now I'm not either of those things so what do I do know, Where do I go from here" I break down again

"I don't have the answers I wish I had; the answers you need" he sighs "but what I do know is that you need to get some rest, and that you're not alone. I'm here Damon and I may not have any answers for you right now, but I will help you figure this out" He looks at me sincerely

"Thank you brother" I smile weakly

He stands up and extends his hand to help me up "that's what I'm here for"


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

"There's breakfast on the table and I made a fresh pot of coffee for you" he says through my bedroom door

"Thanks Stefan" I mumble from my bed

Things have pretty much been like this since the accident , Stefan makes me breakfast every morning before he leaves to the hospital and I stay locked in my room until I know he's gone, it's all very immature I know, but I can't stand seeing the sympathy all over his face first thing in the morning… That's something I have to mentally prep for.

"Any plans for today?" he asks

Oh you mean besides wallowing in self pity

"I have an appointment with that shrink you wanted me to see this afternoon" I answer seriously

"That's great" he says, I can practically hear him smiling

"Yup"

"Ok, well I'll be home around six, maybe we can get some dinner?" he asks

"Yeah, sure"

He doesn't respond so I'm assuming he finally left for work.

Don't get me wrong, I know that Stefan is just trying to help, and that I have no right to act like such a jackass, especially since he's let me stay with him since the night of the accident; but he asks me questions that I don't have the answers to, which is pathetic because it's usually just something simple like "what are you doing today"

I wish I knew what I was doing each day, but my life has been in complete disarray since that night, I haven't even been back to work since the accident, they haven't said I'm fired but I mean come on… it's been three months.

I have enough money saved up that I've managed to keep my apartment, even though I haven't been back since the hallway incident; I just can't bring myself to go home, or to sell it, so in the meantime I call Stefan's spare bedroom home.

Last week Stefan finally convinced me to make an appointment with a grief counselor named Dr. Jackson, I really don't want to go but I know that it's probably for the best.

* * *

><p>"So Mr. Salvatore" Dr. Jackson starts<p>

"Damon" I correct him "please just call me Damon"

"Ok, Damon. I'm very pleased that you finally agreed to see me, you're brother told me a little bit about what happened to you, and I really think that I can help you get through this"

"Really? I mean how did that conversation even start… did Stefan just approach you and say 'Hey doc I have a brother who has a dead wife and baby, and is drowning in crippling despair, I think you should talk to him' Is that how these things work?" I see him cringe at my words

"No, he didn't put it in those exact words"

"Of course he didn't because that would require Stefan to face what happened, and instead he tip toes around everything like I'm going to shatter at any second" I shake my head

"OK, well that's something. Do you wish people would just be more up front about what happened, do you think that would help you heal?" he asks

"No, it would not help me heal, the only thing that would help me heal is if my wife was back in my arms, but that isn't possible"

"No, it isn't; but there are coping mechanisms that will help, everyone is different, and from what you just said, it sounds like the way everyone is avoiding the subject isn't helping you"

"You're right, I haven't had contact with anyone other than Stefan since the funeral, and I can barely stand to look at him because he doesn't look at me the way he used to, every time I look at him all I see is sympathy and I can't stand it, it's a constant reminder of what I've lost" I didn't plan on sharing all this with the therapist, I thought we would make some small talk for an hour and then after he realized we weren't getting anywhere he'd dismiss me

"What about the rest of your family? You haven't seen them?" he asks

"I don't have much family besides Stefan, just my dad and we've never had a very close relationship, Andie use to always push us together, and now that she's gone…" I shake my head "I don't think he has any desire to see me any time soon"

"I'm sure that's not true…"

"Look doc" I interrupt "I thought we were here to talk about my grief issues, and the fact that my anxiety seems to be crippling me. If you want try and tackle my daddy issues, we're gonna need a hell of a lot more time"

"Ok then, baby steps. I think you need to start by getting out of the house more, be around people who don't know you, that don't know your tragedy; and I realize this is probably easier said than done, but I really think the way to get through this is by setting goals, and I think this should be goal number one"

"Ok" I nod, surprisingly I don't want to fight him on this, for the first time in months I actually feel a little better, the idea of having goals again is even a little exciting

"I think we've made some good progress for our first meeting, how about we meet again next week" he asks

"Sure" I nod

"Ok, I'll see you again the same time next week" he stands up and walks with me into the waiting room before calling in his next client

As I exit the building I stop and take a deep breath, for the first time in months I feel like I can actually breathe

On the way to my car I spot a cute little coffee shop on the corner; 'baby steps' I think to myself before crossing the street and entering the building

"Hi, welcome to Jitters, what can I get for you?" a brunette girl behind the counter asks

"I'll have a medium coffee" I answer

"Any cream or sugar?" she asks

"No, thank you"

"That will be $3.50 please"

After paying her I take a seat at the coffee bar and wait for my coffee, there aren't very many other people here, it must just be a slow hour, cause this seems like the type of place that would be popular

"I haven't seen you in here before" she notes, as she set my coffee in front of me

"Yeah this is my first time"

"Oh well it's nice to meet you, I'm Elena" she extends her hand to me

"It's nice to meet you too, I'm Damon" I take her hand and for the first time since I walked in I really look at her face, and I realize why Dr. Jackson wanted me to be around new people, there isn't even a hint of sympathy on her face, nothing about her reminds me of the pain and loss that follows me around

"Are you from around here?" She asks

"Yeah, just a subway ride away"

"Well maybe I'll be seeing you again then" she says as she wipes down the counter with a damp cloth

"Maybe" I say "I had some business to take care of in the neighborhood and I spotted this place on my way out"

"Business huh, what do you do?"

'I'm, uh well, I'm a lawyer" I stumble

"Are you sure about that?"she giggles

"What do you mean, of course I'm sure" I say seriously

"Nothing, it just seemed like you had to think about" she smiles, trying to lighten the situation

"Yeah well It's not funny, I'm a lawyer and besides I really don't need to justify myself to someone who pours coffee for a living" I snap

I can see the hurt flash across her face, before she clears her throat and her features smooth over

"Ok, I think that's my cue to leave" she smiles sadly at me

I grab my to-go cup and rush towards the door.

As I'm sitting on the subway ride home I can't help but feel disappointed; that hadn't gone as I had planned.

The old me would have never snapped at a stranger like that. I wouldn't have thrown someone's profession in their face; but that was all before, maybe this is who I am now.

Apparently it's not just Stefan I'm an asshole to, it's everyone.

* * *

><p>I thought I had made some progress today but as I enter Stefan's apartment I can't help but hope that he's not home yet so I can go straight to my room and avoid him<p>

Just as I walk in I hear a moan coming from the coach

"Oh god, Stefan!" a girl yells from where the moan was coming from just a moment ago

I turn to leave quietly but the floor squeaks, damn it! I've told Stefan at least five times that he needs to have the landlord fix this stupid floorboard

"Damon?!" Stefan yells

"Yup, it's just me" I smile awkwardly, and turn around to give them some privacy

"Oh god" I can hear the girl quickly grabbing her clothes and run in to the bathroom

"I'm so sorry" Stefan says

"Why are you apologizing?" I ask "This is your house, you have every right to have couch sex if you want to" I shrug

"I'm dressed, you can turn around" he says

"I have to say I'm a little surprised, booty calls aren't normally your thing, you're usually a steady kinda guy" I tease

He just looks down at the ground

"Wait" I look at him accusingly "are you dating this girl?" I ask

"Yeah" he answer

"Wow" I say

"What?" he asks

"I just can't believe how selfish I am, I've been so into myself that I didn't even noticed you've been seeing someone" I laugh humorlessly

"Well, I was kind of trying to hide it" he admits

"Why? I'm your brother" I ask

"Because you've been so sad, and I told you we were in this together, and we are; I just didn't want you to think that I was moving on and leaving you alone" he shrugs

"Ok, I knew we were codependent, but this is a whole new level for us" I joke "Seriously though Stefan you can't deny yourself happiness just because my life kind of sucks right now. You have to enjoy your own life, and you have to stop hiding things from me and treating me like I'm going to break"

"I know" he nods "I want us to be normal brothers again, I don't like hiding things from you. I really just didn't want to hurt your feelings"

"You won't" I assure him "things are going to change, they have to. We can't keep living like this. Dr. Jackson is going to help me make goals for getting my life back together"

"Really?" he asks

"Yeah, he told me I needed to make new friends and meet new people, so I went to a coffee shop after my appointment"

"Seriously?!" he smiles

God, I never thought going to a coffee shop would be considered a big step… based on Stefan's reaction you would think I ended world hunger

"Yeah and even talked to girl" I say sarcastically, purposely leaving out the fact that I was a complete asshole to said girl

"Ok, all joking aside, I'm really proud of you" he smiles

"Yeah, yeah… I think we've had enough emotional bonding for one day" I put my hand on his shoulder "Now tell me, who's the skirt?"

**A/N: So I have a million reasons why it took me so long to post this chapter, some of which you wouldn't believe if i told you, but the main one is that this chapter wanted to go a hundred different ways, and this is what i came up with. Please Please please review and let me know what you think. Your opinions really do mean the world to me, and its the best encouragement there is = )**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I felt so bad about taking forever to update that i'm here with another one!So if you haven't read the chapter before this one please be sure to go back =) Enjoy! and please let me know what you think in a review!**

* * *

><p>"So Damon, how do you feel since our meeting last week?" Dr. Jackson asks<p>

"How do I feel?" I mull over his question "well, I feel like shit, but that's pretty much normal these days"

"Have you tried putting yourself out there?" he asks, completely ignoring my crude attempt at humor

"Actually yes, I went in to the coffee shop across the street after I left here last week"

"And how did that go?"

"Well, I ordered a coffee and then insulted a woman I don't even know" I laugh "So, I guess you could say it was a disaster"

"Rome wasn't built in a day Damon" he reminds me, and I can't help at laugh at his cliché one liners

"I realize that, I just wish I could stop insulting people left and right wherever I go. Christ, my own brother didn't tell me he had a new girlfriend because he was afraid of hurting my feelings" I scoff

"But he did tell you, so that's progress; you have try and focus on the positive"

"Yeah, he told me because I walked in on them horizontal on the couch"

"Does your brother moving on hurt your feelings? He asks

"No, he's my brother and I want him to be happy, and I wish that he didn't worry about hurting my feelings all the time"

"Have you ever thought about the fact that Stefan is grieving too?"He asks "that maybe he feels bad for moving on with his life"

"All the time" I answer without hesitation "he lost his sister and his niece that night, my dad lost his daughter and his grand-daughter and I was driving the car. So, yea; I've thought about and I can't go there. I won't." I shake my head

"You feel guilty" he comments

"I said this topic is off the table" I say sternly

"Damon..:

"No" I stop him "I think this is enough for today" I stand up and walk out before he has a chance to respond

I stop at a bench just outside the therapy building; I sit down and drop my head into my hands

Why is this happening, things shouldn't be this way, Andie and I should be preparing for our new baby, she should be born in a few weeks, I shouldn't be running out of a grief therapy office, I shouldn't even be seeing a grief counselor, none of this should be happening

"Hey, are you ok?"

I look up at the voice, and see none other than Elena, the coffee shop girl, her face falls as soon as she recognizes me

"Oh, it's you, the mean guy" she says

"The mean guy" I ponder "Yeah I guess that's pretty accurate" I smile sadly

"Sorry for budding in, I better get to work" she turns to leave

"Wait!" I stop her

She turns back and looks at me

"I owe you an apology" I say sincerely "I'm in a weird place right now and I'm in between jobs, so your comment just kind of struck a bad chord, and I lashed out. I'm really sorry, I hope you'll forgive me so you can just call me Damon instead of 'the mean guy'"

"Well then, I guess that means its Damon from here on out" she says, as she sits next to me

"Does that mean you forgive me?" I ask

"Yeah" she nods "besides, if I'm being honest, what you said struck a chord with funky life right now too" she shrugs "So, what brings you back out here, more business" she asks

"Yeah, something like that" I half smile

"Were you gonna come in for more coffee, or were you just going to sit here and ponder your existential crisis?"

"Existential crisis" I laugh "You have no idea how right you really are right now"

"Well I don't know about you, but coffee almost always trumps crisis in my book" she smiles "plus, I'm gonna be late for work if I don't get in there, and I could use some company" she stands up and waits for me to join her

"Coffee it is then" I say after a moment

"Let me go clock in really quick" she says after we enter jitters

"Ok" I sit at the coffee bar and wait for her to return

"Ok" she comes back out "what can I get you today?" she asks

"Just a medium coffee"

She turns to the coffee pots, and pours some coffee into a ceramic mug; she must assume I'm staying this time

"Here you go" she places the mug in front of me and leans her elbows on the coffee bar

"How long have you worked here?" I ask

"About a year and a half" she looks down at the counter "I actually have my degree in journalism"

"That's awesome, have you written anything I might've read?" I ask

"Doubtful" she laughs "I did my internship at the New York post, I wrote a few things here and there but nothing big"

"Do you mind if I ask why you're not out chasing your dreams?"

"Well at the end of my internship my boss pulled me aside for a one on one evaluation, and he basically told me that I suck"

"What?" I almost choke on my coffee

"Well not in those words exactly, basically just that I lack a natural talent for journalism, and I just don't have what it takes to make it. Unfortunately this realization was presented to me after graduation, so there wasn't much I could to about career choices at that point, so until I have things figured out, I'm stuck here" she shrugs

"Elena, that's just one man's opinion" I say

"Yeah well when the editor of the Post says you don't have it, you probably don't. It's a pretty big opinion to get, and I don't think it's something to ignore" she says mater-of-factly

I'm about to contradict her but she changes the subject

"What about you, you're stuck in a weird in between stage too right" she asks

"Uh yeah, I used to work for a big law firm downtown"

"And…" she raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to elaborate

"I guess you could say I quit"

"Why, were you unhappy there?"

"No, I loved it there, but things come up and things change, and sometimes there's nothing we can do about it" I shrug

"You're a very evasive person, has anyone ever told you that" she giggles

"No, they haven't" I shake my head "but I suppose you're right" I smirk

The front door bell jingles, signaling a new customer

"I better go take their order" she nods towards the couple standing at the counter

"How much for the coffee?" I ask

"Its on the house" she smiles

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, consider it a peace offering" she winks

"Well thank you" I extend my hand to her, she reaches out to accept my handshake "it was nice getting to know you Elena"

"Yeah you too Damon, I hope you'll…" she stops, I notice her staring at our hands, so I look down and see she's spotted my wedding band, when she looks back up at me I can practically see the questions running through her head

I clear my throat, to draw her attention back

"Sorry, um" she stumbles, "I was saying I hope you'll stop in again"

"Yeah" I nod, "same time next week?"I smirk

"Ok, see you then" she smiles back

As I leave all I can think about is the confusion on her face

* * *

><p>"Hey" Stefan looks up from the TV when I walk through the door "where have you been?"<p>

"Are you dressed" I cover my eyes

"It's not funny anymore" he groans

"Oh believe me, it is" I laugh and uncover my eyes, I've been teasing him about it since last week, he's thoroughly annoyed, I still think it's funny as hell

"No it's not, and Caroline won't even come over anymore that's how embarrassed she is"

"Well you could've at least taken the poor girl to your room" I tease

"Please, like you and Andie always made it to the room" his face instantly falls as he realizes what he said "Oh god, Damon I'm so sorry…"

"Stop" I interrupt him "its fine. And you're right, we rarely made it to the bedroom. We did it in the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, a pool one time, we even did it on your couch that time you went out of town and asked up to check up on your place"

"You didn't…"

"Oh yes, we did" I turn to head into the kitchen "twice" I say over my shoulder

"You're such an asshole" he shakes his head and laughs

"What sounds good for dinner?" I ask

"You're cooking?" he asks

"No, I'm just standing the in kitchen and looking at the pantry for the hell of it" I say sarcastically

"Definitely spaghetti since you're cooking" he says

Our mom used to make spaghetti with us when we were little, she never wrote her recipes down, but I remember enough that it's the closest we'll get to her sauce again.

"Spaghetti it is" I grab the garlic and start chopping

"So what took so long after your appointment" he asks

"I stopped by that coffee shop again" I shrug, like it's no big deal

"Really, to visit with your lady friend" he wiggles his eyebrows

"Don't do that" I stop chopping and point the knife at him

"Do what?" he asks innocently

"Suggest that something is going on when there isn't"

"I didn't suggest anything, other then she's a lady and she's your friend, is that not true" he plays dumb "what's her name anyway"

"That" I point at him again "is none of your business, besides maybe they just have really good coffee"

"Seriously… you're not even going to tell me her name"

"No, because you're already making a bigger deal out of this then it is" I shake my head

"It's the first person besides me that you've had contact with since that night, it's kind of a big deal"

"No it's not, she's just someone who didn't know me pre-accident, she doesn't look at me like I'm missing something, to her I'm still a relatively normal person" I shrug "It was nice while it lasted anyway"

"What's that supposed to mean" he asks

"Right before I left the coffee shop I caught her staring at my wedding ring, so it's only a matter of time before she starts asking questions"

"You don't want to tell her the truth?"

"What good will that do, the whole point of this was to be around people who aren't gonna pity me; the moment she knows I'm a widower who lost his daughter I'll just be a charity case, and I'm not interested" I shake my head

"No, but if she makes you happy…"

"Whoa" I interrupt "who said she makes me happy; all I said was that I got to feel normal around her, I'm not interested in being happy, it's just not in the cards for me; and I definitely don't want to date her, or anyone for that matter, so you can just end that train of thought now" I snap

"Ok" he doesn't push it

"Thank you" I place his plate of food in front of him before sitting on the stool next to him "so Caroline really won't come over anymore?" I change the subject

"No, she's mortified"

"We're all adults here" I say

"Well, I don't know if we're all adults" he nudges me teasingly

"Shut up and eat your dinner baby brother" I tease back

I may not know if my life will ever be normal again, and I'm not even sure I would want it to be normal again, but I do know that for the first time since the accident, the unknown doesn't seem quite as scary.


	5. Chapter 5

I called and cancelled my appointment with Dr. Jackson last week, when they asked me if I wanted to reschedule; I just said I would have to call them back. Although I'm fairly certain I won't

I still don't see the point in seeing a therapist, I'm well aware of the fact that I've isolated myself, and I'm aware of the guilt I feel, I don't need to pay someone to point those facts out to me, so for the time being I think I'll take a break from counseling.

I also bailed on Elena, something I'm not so proud of, which is why I'm now on the subway at the same day and time I would be if I were going to my appointment, only I'm just going to see her.

Something about that realization makes me feel sick but I'm trying to push it aside until I know what it means.

I've been going over and over it in my head, I don't even really know her, she's just a nice person who's served me two cups of coffee, we're not friends, so why should I feel bad about not showing up last week.

There's something about her, and it's not just the fact that she didn't know me pre-accident, I think it's that when I look at her I see pain in her eyes, I don't know what caused it, or when, but it's the same pain I see when I look in the mirror, and I feel like I should help her.

It's ridiculous I know, because I don't even know how to help myself.

As the subway comes to s top and I walk up the stairs and onto the street; I can see her just across the street sitting inside of Jitters reading a book, it must be a slow day.

The door jingles as I walk in, she sets her book down and looks up at me

"Hey" she smiles

"Hey" I say back

"You're earlier than normal:" she notes

"Yeah, no business today" I use air quotes when I say the word business because let's face it, she may not know exactly why I'm in the neighborhood each week but she knows there isn't any real business

"So you just came for coffee today" she turns to the pots and starts pouring me my usual cup

"And to see you" I add

What the hell is wrong with me, am I flirting with her…

Her brows raise in surprise

"That came out wrong…" I correct "I didn't come to see you as in look at you, I just, I meant…" I pause, "Wow that took a weird turn" I laugh awkwardly

"You sure now how to flatter a girl" she teases

"I meant that I came to visit with you. I felt bad about not coming last week when I told you I would"

"No biggie" she shrugs

See, she didn't even care that I didn't come; I'm such a weirdo, thinking she would have been upset.

"I have to say, my Wednesday was a little bit dull without you though" she adds

"Is that so?" I smirk

"Yeah" she blushes

"Well it's mutual then, my Wednesday was pretty uneventful too" I smile

"Ok" her face turns serious as she sits down next to me "I have to ask…"

Here we go…

"Are you married?" she asks

I look down at the table, trying to formulate an answer that won't take this away, this space that is not sad, that is instead easy and fun; unlike the rest of my life

"Because if you are that's great" she continues "I just feel like we're walking on this flirtatious line, and I don't want to cross it if you are"

"Yes and no" I answer

"Ok?" she shakes her head in confusion

"Look, it's really complicated. And it's something I think about all the time, except when I'm here; here things are uncomplicated and I don't want to lose that. So for that reason I really don't want to talk about it, just know that I'm not the kind of guy that would come to a coffee shop to spend time with a woman while his wife sits at home; and I know this goes back to the whole me being evasive thing, but I really can't give you any more of an answer so I hope this will be enough"

"I guess it'll have to be" she says, but she doesn't sound too convinced

"Please trust me"

"I don't even know you" she says

"I know; you will though, just not this" I shake my head, she has to know I'm serious "and just so we're upfront, I'm just looking for a friend, nothing more" I warn

"Ok" she nods

"Thank you" I smile slightly

"So what can I know about you" she asks

"My name is Damon Salvatore, I was born and raised in New York, I'm twenty eight years old, I went to Columbia University to study law, and I have one younger brother" I smirk

"And you're in between jobs" she adds

"Yes, and I'm in between jobs" I laugh "Now you go"

"Ok" she giggles "My name is Elena Gilbert, I was born and raised in a small town in Virginia I'm twenty four years old, I moved here to study Journalism at NYU, and I too have a younger brother"

"I would love read one of your articles sometime, I don't know if you've heard but the word on the street is that the editor down at the New York Post is a real jackass, with a terrible eye for talent" I smirk

"Stop it" she warns

"Seriously though, I've heard he's the worse when it comes to hiring new writers," I say

"Ok, you have your things, and I have mine. This topic is officially off the table of discussion"

I can't argue with her, especially after she's been so understanding with me.

"Ok, I won't bring it up again" I surrender

"Thank you"

"What's your favorite movie?" I ask

"I love the classics" she smiles "Casablanca, Funny Girl, Breakfast at tiffany's…"

"Gone with the wind" I continue

"Exactly!" she exclaims "What about you?"

"Well as much as I enjoy a good classic too, I have to say I'm a pretty big Star Wars fan" I shrug

"Oh my gosh you're a nerd" she laughs

"I'm so not a nerd, everyone loves Star Wars" I contradict

"I don't" she shakes her head

"That's it!" I throw my hands up "we can't be friends anymore" I tease

"I think I missed the Star Wars craze, I was too young when it was popular, unlike you old man" she laughs

"You wound me" I place my hand over my heart and pout my lower lip

She giggles, something about seeing her smile warms me inside, I push the feeling to the side again, I can't think about what it means and why it makes me feel better than I have in awhile

"So is this place always this quite" I glance around the empty room

"No" she shakes her head "it's just the time of day, in the morning it's crazy. I try my best to avoid those shifts"

"I don't blame you, a bunch of New Yorkers who haven't had their morning coffee yet all stuffed in one room, no thank you" I laugh

"Yeah" she smiles "so, where do you live?" she asks

"Just on the other side of town, I actually live with my brother"

"Really?" she gives me a surprised look

Great, she's probably thinking that I'm just going through a divorce, and that I just haven't taken my ring off or something, little does she know how wrong she is…

"Yeah, for the time being anyway" I shrug " it's actually been kind of nice, it's like we're teenagers again" I laugh "Which isn't at all embarrassing for me, a twenty eight year old man to be saying"

She laughs "I have a roommate too, so I understand"

"well I mean it makes since that you do, after all you're just a baby, where-as I'm an 'old man' as you so eloquently pointed out moments ago" I smirk

"Stop it" she shoves my shoulder teasingly as she giggles

She really does have a pretty smile…

"Well" I clear my throat, trying to forget I just thought that "I better get going so you can get some real work done around here" I smile

"Already?" she asks

"Yeah, I need to get going, if I'm not home to cook dinner for baby brother he'll starve to death, and what kind of person would I be if I let that happen" I tease

"Ok" she smiles

"How much for the coffee?" I ask

"It's on the house" she shrugs

"Elena…" I chide

"Damon…" she mocks me "do we have to go over this every time?" she raises a brow at me as if she's challenging me

"Apparently we do" I say, I've never been one to back down from a challenge.

"It's just a perk of having a friend who works at a coffee shop" she smiles

"Well then I at least need to tip you" I walk over to the tip jar and drop a Twenty in it

"Damon!" she stomps her foot like a child

"What!" I put my hands up, in mock surrender "if you don't make any money then you'll starve, and again I ask, what kind of person does that make me?"

"I will not starve" she says defiantly, although I can tell she's trying not to laugh

"Then let's just call it a friend perk" I smirk, and turn towards the door

"Again next week?" she asks

"Who else is gonna support my caffeine addiction" I shout over my shoulder, and out the corner of my eye I see her smiling.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hey guys! I hope you guys enjoyed all the Delena time in this chapter, and thank you for all of your reviews and kind words, they really are the best encouragement, so please keep them coming, I love hearing what you think = ]


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey Elena" I smirk as I answer my phone on the first ring

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that one of my coworkers begged me to switch shifts with them, so I won't be there today in case you were planning on stopping by"

"I was actually on my way there now" I laugh

"Oh man, I'm sorry" I hear her sigh

"It's ok; I'll just get off the subway at the next stop"

"Or…" she pauses

"Or?" I ask

"You could stay on the subway until the coffee shop exit and just come by my place and we can figure out something else to do" she suggests

"Uh" I pause to think about it "Yeah, ok" I agree

"Really?" she sounds surprised

"Yeah, I'll see you in thirty minutes" I chuckle

"Ok, I'll text you my address" she says before hanging up

It's been eight weeks since the first time I walked into Jitters Coffee shop, and I've been back every week since. Well, except that one time I bailed.

Elena has pretty much accepted my vague answer about my wife, and why there are certain things I just don't want to talk about. Every now and then she'll try to push her luck, sometimes I surprise myself and open up and others I shut back down, I hate how hot and cold I am; she must think I'm crazy, but she hasn't bailed on me so I guess that's a good sign.

Somewhere along the way we started testing the line between friendship and flirtation, but as soon as we realize we're about to take it too far one of us takes a step back. I don't blame her, because no matter how great of friends we become the unknown will always be on her mind and stand in the way, which is fine, because I don't want to go there anyway

At first I tried to deny having any physical attraction to her whatsoever; which was a lie. Because the truth is, she's a smart, funny, caring, beautiful woman, inside and out.

At first admitting that felt like I was betraying Andie, and honestly, It still doesn't sit too well with me but I'm still a man and I'd have to be blind not to be attracted to her.

Still, this realization doesn't make me want to act on it or alter our relationship in any way.

Stefan it dying to meet her: I don't know from experience, but I'm sure Elena gets along with just about everyone, and I know Stefan couldn't help but like her, I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

What Elena and I have is so new, so fresh, and so untainted; I'm just not sure I'm ready to jeopardize that.

"NEXT STOP, 42nd STREET" the subway loud speaker announces

I get up and stand next to the doors, waiting for the train to come to a stop

My phone chimes, signaling a text from Elena.

I type my response: _ perfect timing, just getting off the subway, see you in a few =)_

* * *

><p>I check my texts again to make sure I have the right apartment number before knocking, apartment 22B. Perfect.<p>

"Hey you" she smiles as she opens the door wide enough for me to come in

"Hey back" I smirk and walk through the door "this is quite the place you have"

It's a cute apartment, on the second floor of a seven story building, the living room walls are a very light shade of yellow, and it has lots of natural light; it's a little on the small side which is pretty normal for New York, but it's not too small.

"It's ok" she shrugs humbly "Here, have a seat" she moves some pillows off the couch to make more room

"No roommate?" I ask as I take a seat

"No, she's a nurse so she works crazy hours; I guess she volunteered to work today because she has plans later tonight"

"Cool" I nod awkwardly

"Do you want anything to drink?" she asks

'No thanks"

"Ok" she nods

You can tell both of us are trying to think of something to say that will make this less awkward

"Are you sure, cause if we have something to drink, it gives us something to hold and fidget with, it tends to make things less awkward" she chuckles

"Why is this so awkward" I chuckle "we're friends, friends hang out"

I don't know if I'm trying to convince her or me

"Yeah, you're right" she sighs in relief

"Have you had lunch?" I ask

"No, not yet" she shakes her head

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving" she admits

"What sounds good?"I ask

"There's a really great Thai food place down the street, but it's take out only, we could have it delivered and watch a movie here" she suggests

"Sounds like a plan Gilbert" I smirk

"Ok, I'll go grab the menu" she smiles

After the food arrives, we both get situated on the couch with our plates on our laps and some silly Adam Sandler comedy playing in the background

"I'm convinced that the only reason he makes these movies is so he gets a paid vacation" I laugh

"Why do you think that" she giggles

"Because they all have the same nonsensical plot, the only difference is that they're filmed in different exotic places, I mean he got paid to go to Hawaii to film this movie, plus he gets to mack on Jennifer Aniston, so I guess really the man is a genius" I laugh

I see her eyes darken a bit at my Jenifer Aniston Comment, and for some reason I feel a pang of guilt.

"Although, I get to be here in this beautiful city eating some delicious Thai food, with some of the best company in world, so really I actually feel a bit bad for him" I add

Her eyes soften and her cheeks flush at my comment, I'm not sure why I just said that, and even more concerning is the clench I just felt in my chest at the sight of her blush.

"This Thai food is pretty good," I comment, trying to change the subject

"Yeah" she nods "There's also a good pizza place a couple blocks over, but this is definitely my favorite" she points to her plate

"Well I do love pizza, maybe next time we'll try that" I suggest

She blushes again

"What?" I ask

I normally don't comment on her blush, because I know she's embarrassed by it, but I have to know what I said that brought it on

"Nothing" she shakes her head

I give her a pointed look

"I'm, I just… I'm glad there will be another time" she shrugs "I honestly didn't know how you'd react when I invited you over. I just didn't want to scare you away"

My face softens, I hate that she has to think about these things, inviting someone over should not be a difficult thing, but then I guess everything with me is difficult

"I'm sorry" I look down "I know that being my friend isn't easy, and I can't figure out what you get out of this relationship, or why you put up with my quirks, but I'm really thankful for you, and I promise I will try not to spook so easily from now on. I don't want you to have to worry about something as simple as asking me to come over"

"Ok" she lets out a relieved sigh

"Although I will say that next time, we need to watch a better movie or I might not come back after that" I tease

"Sorry" she shrugs "if I had known you were coming over I wouldn't have let my friend borrow my Star Wars box set" she laughs

"Never tease a man about Star Wars Elena" I narrow my eyes and point at her

She sticks her tongue out at me playfully before she starts giggling

"Oh man" I say as I glance at my watch "I hate to eat and run, but I really have to get going"

"OK" she nods, trying her best not to look disappointed

"I'll see you later?" I ask

"Yeah of course" she nods "You know where I work and sleep so I guess there's no getting rid of you now" she chuckles

"Ok, I'll call you" I give her a quick hug and head for the door

I pause as soon as my hand touches the doorknob, I'm not sure why I stop, or why I think the next words out of my mouth are a good idea, but I can't seem to stop them

"What're you doing later?" I ask

"No plans" she looks puzzled "I figured I would just hang out here and enjoy my day off. Why, what's going on?" she asks

"Well, tonight's my brothers birthday, and a few people are getting together at the vault bar tonight to celebrate. You could come with, if you want" I suggest

"Really?" I can tell she's trying to hide the surprise in her voice

"Yeah, I mean you shouldn't have to be the only one reaching out here, I need to be a good friend too, and I think that includes inviting you out to meet my brother and friends" I shrug

This is only half true; the idea of her meeting Stefan still isn't thrilling, and I don't have any other friends to introduce her to.

I really don't want her to be the only one reaching out though, if I don't reciprocate her friendship eventually, she'll stop trying and I definitely don't want that to happen, so introducing her to Stefan is a small price to pay.

"Ok" she grins

My stomach flips when I see how excited she is; I really wish that would stop happening.

"We're meeting there at 9:00, have you ever been?"

She nods

"Ok good" I smile "So, I'll see you then?"

"Absolutely"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** **Hey Guys! And Happy Holidays! I hope you all had a great couple of weeks, I'm sorry for the late post; now that things are back to a normal schedule I can continue writing and posting on a regular basis =) so read, and enjoy! Oh! And don't forget to review, because they really are the best = ) **


	7. Chapter 7

"You guys go ahead, I'll meet you inside in a few minutes" I tell Stefan and Caroline

"Why, what's up?" Stefan asks

"I uh, I invited someone to meet me here, so I'm just gonna wait for them out here" I shrug

"You invited someone?" he moves closer and drops his voice to a whisper "Is it coffee shop girl?" he asks

"She has a name…" I correct him

"I know, but I'm not privy to that information so for now, she's nickname girl"

"Who's nickname girl?" Caroline asks

"The girl Damon's been spending time with; he won't even give me her name" Stefan answers

"Aw! " Caroline squeals "you have a girl!" she smiles

"She's not my girl blondie… and I would appreciate it if you two would go inside now" I nod towards the door

"As you wish brother" Stefan wraps his arm around Caroline and leads her inside

It's a chilly night in New York city, there's something about the city at night that I've always appreciated, it's like everything comes to life, and it's so beautiful

"Hey" Elena greets, bringing me out of my thoughts "You day dreaming?" she asks

"Just appreciating the city" I smile and pull her into a hug

"There is something special about the city at night" she says thoughtfully

"You read my mind Gilbert" I smirk "shall we?" I gesture towards the door

"We shall" she smiles and head for the entrance

It's a decent sized bar, eclectic decor, a few couches here and there, and a back door leading into some old alleyways with another bar in the back

I spot Stefan sitting a table in the corner

"There's my brother" I point and lead us that way

"Stefan this is Elena, Elena, This is my little brother Stefan"

"Younger brother" he corrects and extends his hand to her "It's very nice to meet you Elena"

"It's nice to meet you too" she smiles sweetly

"Where's blondie?" I ask

"At the bar, she sound be back soon..."

"I brought shots!" sure enough, here comes Caroline, holding a tray of eight shot glasses "Elena?"

"Care?" Elena sounds as confused as I feel

"Wait, you guys know each other?" I ask

"Yeah, she's my roommate" Elena answers

"Wait, is she nickname girl?" Caroline asks

"Am I what?" Elena laughs

"Nothing" I quickly jump in "It's nothing"

What the fuck are the odds of that…I knew this was a bad idea, and yet I had to be an idiot and ignore my internal warning

"Wow" Stefan adds

"Wait, how do you know Damon and Stefan?" Elena asks

"Stefan is the guys I was telling you about…" Caroline starts explaining

While Caroline rambles on; I take the opportunity lean towards Stefan "How much does she know" I ask

He creases his eyebrows "What do you mean?"

I sigh in frustration "How much does Caroline know about me?"

"Nothing" he shakes his head

"What do you mean nothing, you had to tell her something" I ask

"I told her that you moved in with me because you were going through a hard time, no details"

A hard time, that's basically the truth, and basically what I told Elena.

"Ok" I sigh "thank you"

"You're going to have to tell her eventually" he says knowingly

"I know that, and I want to make sure it comes from me, I'm just not ready yet"

Stefan's expression changes to one of understanding "ok, when you're ready" he nods

"What a small world" Elena speaks up "Care and I grew up together in Virginia"

"That's awesome" Stefan smiles

"Yeah" I nod, still dazed that this is happening

"We have to toast to this" Caroline says as she hands out the first round of shots she brought to the table "to old and new friends" she hold her glass in the air

"Cheers!" we all say in unison

"So how did you two meet?" she asks

"Oh um, he came into the coffee shop one day, and we've been friends ever since" Elena answers

"Aw, that's so cute" she squeals

Elena turns a deep shade of red, fuck, I'm gonna need some more drinks to get through this night, I grab a second shot glass and quickly swig it down

"Yeah, it's downright adorable" I say sarcastically "I'm gonna go get another drink, you guys want anything"

Stefan gives me a concerned look "wanna slow down?"

."I'm fine dad" I say with a dirty look

He must be able to tell I'm not going to back down because he resigns with a "Beer please"

"Sex on the beach for me" Caroline adds

"Typical" I scoff

I look at Elena, waiting for her drink order

"I'll go with you" she gets up, and we head to the bar "So, there's some tension there" she motions back to the table

My brows furrow as I try to think of the best way to answer her "we actually get along really well, he's my little brother and I love him, but lately he's taken on the role of big brother and I don't like it, I don't like him thinking of me in a way that makes him my protector, I'm supposed to do the protecting. Does that make sense?"

To my relief she answers without hesitation "Absolutely"

Thankfully she doesn't push it or ask any more questions, so I change the subject "I can't believe Blondie is your roommate" I shake my head

"I can't believe you're the boyfriend's jack-ass brother" she laughs

"Aw, did she say that? I'm touched" I tease

"Well maybe you are a bit of a jack-ass" she giggles

The sounds of her laugh is quickly becoming one of my favorite things, I find myself going out of my way to make her laugh just so I can hear it one more time

"Now I really am hurt" I pout

"What can I get you guys?" the bartender asks

"I signal Elena to go first

"A tom Collins please" she answers

The bartender looks back at me

"One Kronenbourg, bullet on the rocks, and one… Sex on the beach" I cringe "And two shots of whiskey"

"You got it" she pours us the shots right away, before starting on our drinks

"To a fun night" I hand Elena one of the shots

"To a fun night" she agrees, before we both drink the shots in one gulp

"So, you're a tom Collins girl" I state

"No, I'm a gin girl" she smiles

"Ah, the best kind of girl" I wink

"Is that so?" she blushes

"Oh yeah, much better then vodka girls" I laugh

"You're too much" she shakes her head

"That'll be fifty-six dollars" the bartender says as she sets the drinks in front of us

Elena starts to rummage through her purse

"I got it" I place my hand on her wrist to stop her and hand my card to the bartender "leave it open" I tell her

"Damon..." she starts

"No arguing, I invited you here, it's my treat" I swear this girl has the hardest time letting people take care of her, you should have seen her when I paid for lunch earlier.

With a grunt she finally lets out a soft "fine"

"Atta Girl, now help me carry these back to the table" she reaches for Stefan's beer but I stop her "You take Caroline's, I'll be damned if I'm seen carrying that thing across the bar"

She lets out another adorable giggle "you're so ridiculous"

"Yeah" I agree "but at least I'm also adorable" I smirk

"And don't forget cocky" she laughs

"Oh I'm definitely cocky" I know I'm pushing the line of flirtation, but I just can't help it, especially when she blushes the way she just did; and ok, I must already be feeling those three shots because I'm acting looser then I normally would, and it feels damn good to finally let go

We set the drinks down on the table

"Thanks guys" Stefan says

"OH! I love this song!" Caroline yells as so some techno song comes on "Stefan come dance with me" she grabs Stefan's arms and starts pulling him toward the dance floor

"I should've ordered something a lot stronger then a beer" he yells back at us

"Oh man, he's a saint for putting up with that" I shake my head

Elena gives me a serious look, and for a moment I think I may have offended her "Yeah, she can be a lot to handle, but at the end of the day she's one of my best friends and she's one of the best people to have at your side when push comes to shove"

"I sorry, I didn't mean…"

She doesn't let me finish "I know, I just want you to know that your brother is a lucky man, and that there is a reason he puts up with her"

I nod "Ok, I'm glad"

She pulls her drink up to her lips and takes a sip "Thanks for inviting me tonight" she smiles

"Thanks for coming, I'm glad you got to meet my brother" This time it really is the truth, I don't know what I was worried about, now that she's met Stefan it all seems so silly

"And Care's mystery man all in one night" she laughs

I laugh and nod "it's a crazy world we live in" I take a long pull of my drink

I've never been a big drinker, but this loose feeling it's giving me has me coming back for more

* * *

><p>Three more shots and an hour later, we're all definitely buzzing and feeling pretty good<p>

Caroline and Stefan have been filtering in and out all night, Caroline has shouted "This is my jam" at least ten times and each time she drags Stefan to the dance floor, he stopped fighting her on it five songs ago

"No!" I burst into laughter at Elena's story of how she lost her virginity "I can't believe you got caught!"

She nods "it was so humiliating! I mean you build that moment up your whole life and here I gave it to the first cute football player to smile at me, in the back of his car no less! And of course Sheriff Forbes told my parents" she shakes her head

"Wait, Forbes as in…"

"Yeah" she nods "Caroline's mom was the Sheriff"

"Oh my god" I start laughing again "I wonder if Stefie knows"

"She's really a sweet lady" she says in between giggles "Ok your turn"

"Oh man, mine is really boring and cliché" I shake my head "It was with a girl named Katherine the night of our senior prom, we rented and hotel room and drank cheap beer and wine coolers, and then we did it, at the time we thought it was magical, but now looking back on it, it was really rather pathetic" I laugh

"Sometimes the ordinary memories are the best ones" she smiles at me

"Yeah, I guess you're right" I nod in agreement

The music changes from the slow song that was just playing to some upbeat Calvin Harris song, Elena starts swaying in her chair to the beat of the music

"In the words of Caroline, this is my jam" she says

"Then I guess it's my duty to take you to dance" I extend my hand to her

She happily accepts it and a lead us in into the sweaty throngs of people swaying, grinding, and jumping to the beat

Once we find an open spot we stop and begin dancing, Elena swaying and rolling her hips in a way that makes my heart beat faster than it should.

She lifts her hands above her head in a way that makes her look sexy and free and the same time.

I don't know if it's the alcohol or if I'm just tired of denying my attraction to her, but I wrap my arms around her waist, pull her flush against me, and begin moving to the music with her, I know there are hundred reasons why this is a bad idea, but in this moment I just want to be lost, so that's what I do. I let go and I allow myself to get lost in the moment, allow myself to get lost in her intoxication scent as she leans her head against my shoulder and grinds her ass into me.

I don't know how long we stay like this, dancing as one, without a care in the world, but at some point Elena twists back around so we're dancing face to face, she leans up on her tip toes, and presses her lips to mine, there's hundred alarms going off in my head, telling me to put an end to this right now, but instead I push my fingers into her hair and pull her closer to me.

When I pull away, she looks up at me with her big hazy brown eyes and whispers "Wanna go back to my place?"

I nod wordlessly, grab her hand and hurry us out of the bar.

There are at least ten cabs waiting outside to take drunks like us home, we pile in to the back and I give the driver Elena's address, I glance at my cell phone and see a text from Stefan saying that him and Caroline are back at our place, and that I don't need to worry about finding them on the couch this time.

I look over at Elena and I can tell she's worried that I'll change my mind before we get to her place, so I grab her face and bring my lips to hers in an attempt to put her worry to rest.

I don't know how, but by the time we reach her place, she's ended up straddling me in the back of the cab.

I grab some cash and toss it at the driver before quickly pulling her into the building and rush us to her door.

Once we're inside we started pulling clothes off all the way down the hallway, I stop and push her against the wall; I let my hand roam it way up her thigh and under her skirt until I find what I want

I push the lacy material to the side a slip a finger inside of her

"Damon" she moans

"Fuck, you're so wet" I groan "Which way to your room?"

"Right here" she pulls me into a room on the right, and locks the door behind us

When she turns back to face me she's chewing on her lip nervously

"You have to stop chewing on that lip" I say "that's for me to do" I say before crushing my lips to her

I pull her skirt down her legs and lift her top over her head, so she's left clad in her red lacy bra and underwear

"God, you're beautiful" I whisper

I bend down to press a trail of kisses from her collar bone to the tops of her breasts; I reach around and undo her bra clasp with one hand

"So perfect", I rub her nipple between my finger and thumb, which elicits a moan from her

She grabs my hand and leads me towards the bed, when the back of her knees hit the mattress she sits down and starts unbuckling my belt, when she finally rids me of my pants and boxers she licks the tip of my cock and I can't help the hiss that falls from my lips

"Not tonight" I shake my head "I need to be inside you"

She lies back on the bed, pulling me on top of her

"Do you have a condom?" she asks

"Fuck" I groan

"It's ok, I do" she smiles and leans over to her bed side table, I hear the tearing of the foil packet before she returns, condom in hand.

She leans up to roll it over me.

I reposition myself at her entrance, just as I'm about to push forward she stops me

"Are you sure?" she asks

Oh god, not her too, I can't have her acting like I'm some fragile baby too

So without answering her I surge forward and fill her all the way

"Oh god" she moans

I slowly pull back before thrusting again, and again, and again,

"Fuck Damon, you feel so good"

"Let go 'Lena" say as I push into

She moans and sinks her teeth in her lower lip

"Come for me baby"

And just like that, she falls apart, hearing my name fall from her lips over and over, pushes me over my own edge and I spill myself into the condom

"Fuck Elena" I say as I come crashing down.

I roll over onto my side so I don't crush her

"Mmm"she sighs in content

I pull the condom off and toss it into the trash

"Damon" she says in a sleepy voice post sex voice

"Yeah" I lay back down next to her

"Please don't break my heart" she pleads

Suddenly, the weight of what just happened comes crashing down on my like a tons of bricks

Oh fuck, what have I done...

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys! I'm back! I felt bad for making you guys wait so long over the holidays so here's an early update, and a super long one at that! I will be out of town for the weekend, so I wanted to get it to you before I left. I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think = ) See you guys on Wednesday! Or maybe sooner if you guys ask nicely in the review section ;-) **


	8. Chapter 8

I glance over at Elena to find she's already fallen asleep; good.

I gently stand up trying not the shake the bed; I glance around the room trying to find my clothes, before getting dressed as quietly as possible

I've never been this guy, even before Andie. I mean sure I had a couple one night stands in college but I never snuck out like a coward, I at least stayed the night and said goodbye before we parted ways; but I don't know what else to do.

The fact that I just compared Elena to one of my few one night stands makes me sick.

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I have to get out of here.

I just about to close her door behind me when I hear her call my name

"Damon?" a confused voice comes from behind me

"Hey" I pause, trying to come up with an explanation

She props herself up on her forearms, and takes in my appearance.

As soon as she sees me dressed, with my shoes in hand her expression turns to one of pure hurt "What are you doing?" she asks

"I have a really every day tomorrow, so I have to get going" I say

"An early day?" she says skeptically "You don't have a job"

I feel myself start to snap into defense mode "Yeah and?"

"I just, I don't understand what you could be doing? You could sleep here" she offers

"I just…look, I don't have to explain myself to you" I snap

"I guess that's true" she looks down, trying the hide the hurt on her face

I can't do this, I can't stand hurting her "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that…"

"Is it your wife?" she interrupts

"Elena, I told you…"

"I know what you told me" she snaps "and I know there's a whole bunch of things you haven't told me too. I just assumed that you were telling the truth, no matter how vague it was; but I need you to tell me the now, are you married?"

"Elena… Please"

"It's a yes or no answer Damon…" she says with any edge of panic in her voice

"Yes" I whisper

"Jesus Damon! You asked me to trust you, and I did. This was me trusting you!" her voice starts to rise

"I know, I'm sorry, but it's complicated" I look down at the floor, suddenly my shoes are the most interesting things to stare at

"No!" she shakes her head "You don't get to be sorry, not anymore. You don't get to fuck me and then just say sorry! And it's not complicated, you're either married or you're not!"

I wince at her crass terminology, I want to tell her that she's wrong, that it was more than just fucking, but there are hundred different reasons that she's not going to believe a word it say.

"It was a mistake" I whisper "and I'm sorry for letting it happen"

"For letting it happen? God Damon, you make it sounds like I attacked you, you were involved in this just as much as I was"

"I know! And it shouldn't have happened!" I shout

Her eyes start to well up with tears, god I'm such and asshole, I lower my voice back down "we had too much to drink Elena, this was wasn't supposed to happen, you know that"

"I don't know anything, I don't know who you are, I don't know where you live, I didn't know you were married! That's the kind of thing a friend should know Damon… and god, the kind of thing I should've known before I jumped into bed with you" a tear falls down her face, and I want so badly to reach out and wipe it away but I know I can't "I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with married men Damon" she shakes her head "I saw your ring, and I chose to believe you, god I'm so stupid" she says more to herself then to me

"You're not stupid…"

"Just leave" her voice sounds so broken it cuts me to my core

"Elena…"

"I said leave!"

"Please…" my voice is so heavy it doesn't even sound like my own

"Go back to your wife Damon" she shakes her head

"I wish I could" I whisper

In that moment she looks so fragile and so broken I can't stand it, I did this, I broke her, I knew I was damaged, I knew I wouldn't bring anything good into her life yet I dragged her into this mess anyway.

I have to tell her the truth, it's what she deserves, it's what I should've done as soon as we started getting closer.

I take a deep breath before letting it out "Elena, my wife died in a car accident five months ago" I look back down at the floor

"What?" She looks up at me with a horrified expression, and for a second I think she doesn't believe me, so I keep going

"There's more" I shake my head "She was five months Pregnant with our daughter"

When I look up at her I can tell she's about to apologize so I stop her

"Please don't apologize" I say quickly

I move to sit next to her on the edge of the mattress before continuing "Right after the accident, I was a mess; I moved into Stefan's house, I stop talking to my friends, I quit my job, I never even left my bedroom. I hated myself Elena; I hated myself for dragging Andie to a party she wasn't even supposed to be at, I hate myself for taking my eyes of the road while driving the car, I hate myself for being the only survivor, and more than anything I hate feeling sorry for myself"

I take a moment to gather my thoughts before continuing "Eight weeks ago, I finally went to see a therapist, because I was drowning, I felt like I couldn't even breathe"

"The business you had to take care of" she recalls

"Yeah" I nod, and smile sadly "he recommended that I start getting out more, to be around people who didn't know me before the accident and who didn't know what had happened. I left there that day and spotted the coffee shop and decided to give it a try, to see how it felt to be in public again, and I acted like an asshole. I felt so bad about how I had treated you, it was another reminder of what the accident had taken from me. The old me would have never spoken to you like that"

"Damon…" she reaches out and places her hand on top of mine

"Please, let me finish before you say anything" I plead

"Then the following week you stopped to ask a stranger sitting on a bench if they were ok, even when you found out it was me, 'The mean guy'" I smile at the distant memory "You still had a concerned look on your face, not because you were worried I was depressed, or because I wasn't eating enough or because you thought I might be suicidal, it was just concern for another human being, and you forgave me, no questions asked. That day that we talked and got to know each other a little bit, and it felt good Elena, it felt good to be around someone who didn't feel sorry for me" I shrug

"I should have told you as soon as we started getting closer, but I was afraid that you would start pitying me like everyone else, and I didn't want to lose what we had going. It I was selfish, I know that now; to expect you to be what I needed without giving you anything in return. You were right when you said there are things friends tell each other, and I failed to do that, I gave you the bare minimum of the truth, I was a bad friend, and what I did tonight night was terrible"

"It takes two to tango Damon, you told me that you weren't interested in romance, and I went for it anyway. I guess I was just hoping you had changed your mind" she shrugs

"I would be lying if I said things haven't changed since I told you that, they obviously have" I nod "but in the end, it doesn't change anything, I can't be with you"

"But Damon…" she starts to protest, but I stop her

"No Elena, I need you to understand that in a different time under different circumstances I wouldn't hesitate for a second, you're an amazing woman inside and out and god knows you're gorgeous, but you don't deserve this" I shake my head

"Damon, the accident wasn't your fault" she reaches up and places her palm on my cheek

"I hope someday I believe that" I smile sadly "and I hope someday I stop wanting Andie as much as I do, but I still love my wife Elena, and you shouldn't have to compete with a ghost, or wait around for me to be ready, you don't deserve that. You deserve someone who loves you fully and unconditionally. Don't ever settle for anything less than that" I pull her hand away from my cheek, press a kiss to the back of her knuckles and place it down on the bed "I'm so sorry for hurting you" my voice cracks and a tear slips down my cheek, I quickly wipe it away and walk towards the door

"Damon, please don't go" her voice cracks

I don't look back at her as I walk out the door because I know if I do I'll never be able to leave

* * *

><p><strong><strong>When I finally reach the sidewalk outside of Elena's apartment complex I stop and lean against the wall of the building.

With a deep sigh, I finally allow the weight what just happened to hit me.

This was the last thing I had expected to happen tonight; when I invited Elena I figured we would have a few drinks, tell some stories, have some laughs, and then go our separate ways.

I figured things would remain as they have been, we'd send a couple texts throughout the week and then meet for coffee as usual. I never thought I would be leaving her apartment at two in the morning with ruffled hair and lipstick on my shirt collar.

I never thought my heart would be so heavy with guilt, both for sleeping with a woman who isn't my wife for the first time in almost six years, and for hurting someone as sweet and innocent as Elena.

I never thought I would have this sick feeling in my stomach, a feeling that makes me think for a second that maybe I made the wrong choice, maybe I should've stayed and heard Elena out but then I remember that best decisions are usually the hardest to make, and that I need to be unselfish and let her go.

Tonight could have gone a hundred different ways and yet here I am, heavy hearted and friendless.

On that note I drag myself away from the wall and hail a taxi.

By the time I get home it's almost three in the morning, at least I know Stefan and Caroline will be asleep, oh god, Caroline… She's gonna kill me when she finds out what happened.

I unlock the door quietly and tip toe into the house

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

I groan when I turn around and find Stefan standing in the dark kitchen, glass of water in hand

"Someone's doing the walk of shame" he smirks

"Please Stefan, not tonight" I try my best not to sound defeated, but Stefan sees right through it

"What happened?" he comes closer

"I told her the truth" I shrug

"That's great" he smiles, but he must see something in my expression because it quickly falls into a frown

"After I slept with her" I add

His eyes widen at my words "You didn't…"

"I already know I'm a terrible person ok, and I feel like shit, so please save you lecture"

"I wasn't going to lecture you"

"Yes you were, it's what you do" I shrug

"Ok, maybe you're right, but I'm not going to lecture you about this"

When I don't respond, he places his hand on my shoulder

:"Damon, are you ok?" he asks

"No, I'm not; but this is what I deserve Stefan" I shrug his hand away

"No it's not…"

"Yes it is, I killed my pregnant wife Stefan, because I was selfish and forced her to come to a party with me. If I had just let her go to her book signing like she was supposed to none of this would be happening, but it did, and I'm miserable, and that's ok, I've accepted this misery as my punishment, but tonight I hurt Elena Stefan, I hurt Elena because I'm still the same selfish asshole I was the night of the accident"

"That's not true Damon and you know it" he says sternly

"I don't know what's true anymore" I shake my head

"Damon…"

"Save it Stefan, I'm going to bed" I interrupt him

This time he doesn't try to stop me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: You guys rocked the reviews, it seriously made my week, and I worked my butt off to get this chapter finished for you, it's not as long as the last one, but it's something = ) OK, now before you all start screaming at me, just know that I have a bigger plan, and I promise we will have a happy ending, there just needs to be some angst along the way. So please stick with me, and please please please keep up the reviews! I love hearing your thoughts! See you soon!**


	9. Chapter 9

I fucking hate mornings, especially this one.

In my early twenties I swear I could run a marathon the morning after a night of heavy drinking; but at some point that changed, I think it does for everyone. For me it was twenty six, the morning after my birthday I woke up head bounding, and my body feeling like I was hit by a truck, so needless to say, at twenty-eight things only get worse.

I woke up this morning with the sun brightly shining, head bounding, and the awful memories of what happened with Elena, today should just be peachy

I heard Caroline leave about thirty minutes ago, so since I know the coast is clear I drag myself to the kitchen and pour myself some coffee

"Morning" Stefan mumbles

"Are you as hung-over as I am?" I ask

"I don't think anyone has ever been as hung-over as you, except maybe Lindsey Lohan" he smirks

"Look at that, Stefan finally cracked a joke" I say sarcastically

His expression turns serious again "Damon, you said some things last night, I'm not sure how much you remember but…"

"Believe me Stefan, I remember everything about last night all too well "

"Well then you know what you said isn't true right"

"What part?" I challenge "The part about me killing my pregnant wife, or me being a selfish asshole, we both know it's all true so please don't try and tell me otherwise"

He doesn't add anything, so he must've decided to let it go, for now. I know Stefan better than anyone, and I know I have a lecture coming eventually.

"What'd you tell Caroline?" I ask

"Nothing, she was asleep when I got back to the room last night, so she doesn't even know you were here, but she's on her way home so I'm sure she'll find out any second"

"Ugh" I groan "she's never going to let me hear the end of it"

"What did you expect?" he scoffs

"Excuse me?"

"Look I'm not judging you for what happened. I know you were acting out of fear…"

"You don't know shit." I interrupt him

"You're scared Damon, why else would you sleep with the only friend you have right now, she made you forget all the shit that has happened to you, even if it was just for a little while; and what happened is between the two of you, but don't act like your surprised that Caroline is gonna be pissed"

"It's none of her goddamn business" I snap

"Elena is like a sister to her Damon!" he snaps " and when she gets home she's going to find her heartbroken, because you slept with her and then ran off, you have your reasons for what you did, but don't you dare act like she doesn't have a right to be pissed"

"It sounds like she's not the only one that's pissed" I sneer

"Fine!" he throws his hand up in mock surrender "I'm pissed, is that what you wanted to hear? I'm pissed because I finally found a nice girl Damon, and you had to go and put me in the middle by fucking her best friend!"

"How the fuck are you in the middle? I screwed Elena over, me, not you. That's my cross to bear; it has nothing to do with you guys!"

"Because you're my brother Damon, and I'm not going to turn my back on you regardless of what you've done, which means when Caroline comes marching back in here telling me what an asshole you are I'll have to defend you, so I can probably kiss my relationship with her goodbye"

Well fuck… This just goes to show how selfish I am, not only have I ruined my relationship with Elena, I've jeopardized my brothers too

"You can't do that"

"It's what brothers do" he sighs

"No, this has to stop" I shake my head

"What does?"

"You have to stop putting your life on hold for me; Look, I know you don't think what I said last night is true, but I do. I hope that someday I can see it differently but in order to do that, things need to change, I need to change. I need to start by doing something unselfish and I can't let you lose a perfectly good woman over this Stefan. I made this mess, now I have to fox it. So When Caroline comes in here yelling about me you tell her that she's right I am an asshole and that I'm moving out"

"Damon, you don't have to do that"

"Yeah I do, it's what brothers do" I shrug "Thank you for everything you've done for me Stefan, for supporting me and always having my back, but it's time for me to get back out on my own"

"Are you sure about this" he asks worriedly

"Not at all" I smirk "but that's not for you to worry about, this is your time to be happy, and to enjoy Caroline brother, who knows, maybe she's the one" I nudge him

"Yeah, maybe" he smiles

"On that note, I'm gonna go get all of my crap packed up so you can have your spare room back"

"Hey Damon" he says just as I'm about to leave "You deserve to find 'the one' too you know" he must be able to tell I'm confused because he continues explaining "I know that Andie was 'the one' and you probably feel like she still is, but that doesn't have to be it for you Damon, there's someone out there for you and you will find her and be happy again"

"Thanks Stefan" I smile

As I start folding my clothes I can't help but think about Stefan's words, Before I met Andie I never really had a steady relationship, I went on dates sure, and hung out with some girls from college, but none of them interested me beyond a superficial lever before Andie, she was smart, beautiful, funny, I was entranced .

Which brings me to Elena, she's funny, beautiful, and way smarter then she gives herself credit for. Was she my new 'one'? That thought makes my heart clench, what if she was and I just ruined it all. I still think it's too soon for me to move on, but what if that's all Elena and I needed was time. Time to get to know each other more, and time for me to get over my grief, have I really ruined everything just because I couldn't keep it in my pants?

"Where is he?!" a certain blonde shouts from the living room

Oh shit.

My bedroom door swings open "You!" she points her finger at me "What have you done?"

"Caroline…" I try to explain

"Do you know what it's like to go home and find your best friend heartbroken, what did you do to her?"

Elena must not have said anything to her

"You have every right to be upset. Please just hear me out before you try and kill me"

"You better have a good explanation Salvatore"

In the past five months I've talked to two people about the accident; Stefan and my therapist; until last night. So for the second time in less the twenty-four hours I take a deep breath and start my story

"I know Stefan told you that I moved in with him because I was going through a rough patch, which is a vague version of the truth, you see five months ago I was married and had a daughter on the way, until one night we were driving home and got hit head on by an oncoming car"

She gasps

"I gave Elena the same vague truth that Stefan gave you, I should've told her the truth a long time ago and I definitely shouldn't have done it after we slept together, you have no idea how sorry I am Caroline, I never wanted to hurt Elena, I just hope you believe me when I say that I'm going to do my best to make things better. And I hope you don't get mad at Stefan for not telling the truth, he just figured it was my story to tell and not his"

"I'm so sorry Damon" she says sincerely

"Thank you, but please don't pity me. It's time for everyone to stop pitying me, including myself"

"Damon, has Elena told you anything about her past?"

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion

"About her family"

I think back to all the conversations Elena and I have shared, I know that she went to mystic falls high school, she was a cheerleader, she has a brother named Jeremy, I even vaguely remember a couple of her old boyfriends names, but beyond that I don't recall her ever discussing any of other family members

"A little bit, I know she has a brother" I shrug

"Well lucky for your brother, I know exactly what it's like to be privy to information that's not mine to share"

My eyebrows knit together in confusion "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that if there's anyone in this world who understands the loss your going through it's the girl you left crying and alone last night"

I cringe at her reminder of just how broken Elena looked as I walked out on her "It's too late now" I shake my head

"Says who? Look Damon, I know I don't know you that well, and to you I'm just your brothers blonde girlfriend, but I do know Elena, and I know that when Elena is with you she smiles in a away I haven't seen since we were teenagers, I don't know why and I don't care, all I know is that I want to see Elena like that again"

I know exactly what she's talking about, Elena's smile is something of beauty, it's enough to make any man want to change career paths and become comedian

"How could she ever forgive me?" I ask

"Because she's Elena" she says as if it's the most obvious things in the world, and I get it because Elena's probably one of the most understanding people I've ever met.

"Thanks for hearing me out Caroline" I smile "And just for the record, I don't think of you as 'just Stefan's blonde girlfriend'. I'd like to think of us as friends"

"No way, I've seen how you treat your friends Salvatore" she teases and we both laugh

"Thanks for everything Care" I say seriously

"No problem" she says back "Hey, what's with all the boxes?" she glances at the boxes full of stuff in my room

"I was just packing up, figured I've been in your guys' hair for too long" I shrug

"I hope you're not doing this because of me"

"Well I have to admit, it's what first prompted the idea, I mean Damn blondie you're scary when you're pissed" I tease

She laughs "Seriously though, why are you going?"

"It's just time for me to go, I don't know how I expected to get back to the real world while I was hiding out here, it's time for me to go home and face my demons"

"Are you both still alive?" Stefan jokes as he peaks around the corner

"Yes brother, we're both alive, I have to admit this is one hell of a woman you've got" I say

"Awe, you're not so bad yourself" she says back

"OK who the hell are you guys and what have you done with my girlfriend and brother" Stefan laughs

"Alright kids, I'm gonna take the first few boxes over to my place, I'll be back for the rest later"

"You want some company?" Stefan offers

I shake my head "Thanks, but I think this is something I should do on my own"

"OK" the both nod in unison

"I see you guys in a bit"

* * *

><p>"Good Evening Mr. Salvatore" the door man greets as I enter the apartment complex, he tries his best to sound like it's just another night, and not like this is the first time he's seen me in five months<p>

Everything on the main floor looks as it always has, I glance around and say hello to a few familiar faces, once on the tenth floor I exit the elevator and head towards my door

I stop and take a few deep breaths before turning the key.

The first thing I'm hit with is her smell.

It smells like home.

Her scent was one of the things that scared me most about coming home, I thought it would just make me miss her more, but instead I feel a sense of comfort that I haven't felt in a long time.

I glance around the foyer, on a brown pedestal next the door is a vase full of dead flowers, I remember Andie bringing them home from the market like it was yesterday.

I take a few more steps in and notice her coat discarded of the arm of the sofa, as if time has stood still in this untouched place. And I guess in a way it has.

There are coffee cup sitting on the kitchen counter, exactly where we left them as we rushed out of here early in the morning.

Finally with a deep breath I turn towards the hallway, there, straight ahead is a door cracked open just enough for me to see a sliver of light pink.

For the first time in months, I allow my tears to fall.

"Damon" a soft whisper comes from behind me

I turn around and find Elena leaning again the door frame

"What are you doing here?" I quickly wipe the tears off my cheeks

"I went to Stefan's place to talk to you, and they told me where you were. I know things are messed up and I might seem like a stalker right now, but I just wanted you to know you don't have to do this alone"

"Elena, you don't have to… I don't deserve…"

"It's ok" she takes a few steps towards me and reaches out to wipe a tear off my cheek with her thumb "We can talk about it later"

Before my mind starts over thinking it I pull her against me and hug her tightly.

"Thank you" I whisper into her hair

* * *

><p><strong>AN: OK, so I know some of you are probably pretty mad that Elena is there to "come to his rescue" believe me I dislike passive aggressive Elena as much as the next person, so I wanted to assure that this does not mean that things are fixed or that she is dismissing what he did in anyway, she's just there as a friend who understands his pain. We will hear more on Elena's past next chapter. Please, Please, Please review, they're the best encouragement in the world and I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. See you next time!**


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